How to turn fear from a source of anxiety and paralysis into fuel for action and achievement.

Chris Guillebeau travels the world and writes for a small army of remarkable people at chrisguillebeau.com. This talk is about crocodiles, killer whales, writing your own permission slip, and changing the world.

In response I always ask my client to clap their hands.

They often pause, unsure as to what significance clapping their hands will be. Usually I have to encourage them a little and say go clap your hands just once. Some people need more encouragement than others, but most people will eventually clap their hands for me.

Once they have clapped I ask two questions: How long did the clap last, and how long did it take before you actually performed the clap. Because change takes the same amount of time as clapping your hands together. One short, sharp clap. A brief instance. That is how long change takes. It is instantaneous, one moment you are in one state the next you have changed. The only question is how long will you hesitate before you make the decision to change?

All change happens instantaneously. The events that lead up to that moment of change maybe be long and arduous. But when the change happens you will be able to point to one specific moment when it happened. One moment you will be the same and the next you will be changed.

Of course what most people are asking is how long will it take to decide to change, how long will they hesitate before committing to the change. But there is only one person who can answer that question. Because there is only one person who can make that decision.

As the old joke goes:

Q. How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb.

A. Only one, but the light bulb must really want to change.

You have prepared the ground by realising that you need to make some change, maybe specifically such as knowing you finally want to over come a particular problem, or more generally wanting a life coach because you know that you are not performing at 100% of your true potential.

I can give you the tools and skills you need to make that change at a fundamental level.

Writer’s block can have many causes and many symptoms. To mis-quote Leo Tolstoy all happy writers are happy in the same way; every blocked writer is blocked in their own unique way.

Some causes of block stem from creative problems within an author’s work itself. Or a writer may simply run out of inspiration. Other writers take on a project that is misconceived, or beyond the author’s experience or ability complete. with the result that they end up being totally out of their depth.

The symptoms of writers block vary from the stereotypical staring at a blank page unable to think of a single idea, to the opposite extreme where a writer has so many “good” ideas that they are unable to focus on just one for fear of losing all the others.

However if it means that you are not producing any finished, completed works then you are suffering from writer’s block. Regardless of how many words you are writing, how many story plots you are devising, or how many brilliant ideas you are having.

In my own case the root cause of stem from my own insecurities, self doubt and anxiety. Theses feelings have been the root of both extremes of writers blocks that I have wrestled with over the years.

Writer’s blocks may also be produced by the circumstances of a writer’s life or career: physical illness, depression, the end of a relationship, financial pressures or a sense of failure can all lead to writer developing block.

For professional, or would-be professional, writers the pressure to produce work may in itself contribute to a writer’s block, especially if they are compelled to work in ways that are against their natural inclination i.e. too fast or in some unsuitable style or genre.

And in other cases, writer’s block may also come from feeling overwhelmed by a previous big success, with the writer feeling unbearable pressure to find something to equal their previous success.

There are many solutions for writer’s block.

For writer’s block caused by pressure better work organisation and time management can be of enormous benefit. A good support group such as a critique group or writing workshop can help with writing exercises and motivational support. But for more difficult cases an individual consultation with an experienced writing coach can be invaluable.

I had fallen into the classic trap:

Definitely not loosing now is better that maybe winning in the future.

In other words we are so caught up in keeping what we have that we are often afraid of taking the last few steps needed to complete our goals for fear of losing what we have already achieved and ending up with nothing.

By not wanting to lose anything we end up losing everything.

I have a friend who one day mentioned that he’d like to take up squash. At that time I was consulting at a company working with a guy who was a squash fanatic. So I suggested they get together. So they started playing together regularly.

Time after time the squash player would come into work and boast of how he had beat my friend yet again. I asked my friend why he kept playing. “I want to learn how to play squash,” was his answer.

This went on for over 3 months. Then the squash player came in and said how my friend had “gotten lucky” and beat him. Then he lost to my friend for the second time. The next week the squash fanatic was “very busy now days. It’s hard to find the time.” And he no longer played my friend.

I caught up with my friend and asked him for his side of the story.

His explanation was simple, “I lost 15 games in a row because every time I played him I tried something different. He won 15 games in a row by doing the same thing each and every game. The 16th time I tried something different I won. The 17th time we played I did what I’d done in match 16 he did what he had done in all 16 matches. I won. The 17th time he did the same thing yet again. I built on what I had discovered in match 16. I won again. We never played a 18th match.”

I no longer consult at that firm but from time to time I still run into the fanatical squash player.  I always ask him about his squash games with my friend. He always boasts about beating him 15 times in a row. When I ask when the next game will be he is always too busy to play.

He had learned how to win squash games by playing in a certain way that would get him a certain amount of success. He had learned to judge which players he could beat and which he couldn’t, and so chose which players he would play accordingly. He had decided he had learned enough and didn’t want to learn anything new. So he didn’t.

The trouble is the world keeps changing. New things keep happening all the time.

If you stop learning you will get left behind.

If you need help learning how to learn again, or if you have just gotten a little stuck, phone Declan on 087 2420699 or email declan@conspiracyofmediocrity.com and we will get you moving again.

I can’t tell you how to be successful. And I can’t judge if you are successful or not. Only you can decide to be successful. And only you can determine what success means to you. And only you can achieved your success.

You have to look into your own hart and be true to your own passion.

You have to make your own meaning to your own life.

You have to live your dreams.

Your response makes you count.

So stand up and be counted.

Dumb Little Man! had a recent post Five Ridiculous Alarm Clocks which I found both amusing and intriguing. Intriguing, because the geeky nerd inside me loves technology and gadgets and the unusual application of such things. Amusing because as someone who spent decades getting out of bed late and being the guy in the office who was always late for work, I know that such crazy alarm clocks are only effective for a short while, if at all.

Often we seek “easy” solutions to our problems from our external world, an elaborate alarm clock to wake us in the morning, rather than the “hard” solution of changing our internal view of the world, or simply reprogramming a habit. But the “easy” solution is very seldom permanent and the “hard” solution is usually easer in the long run.

Most of us think that some people are naturally early risers and some of us like to stay up late, “Larks” and “Owls” as my Mother used to say. But in reality rather than being deeply embedded aspects of our personalities staying up late at night or getting up early in the morning are simply habits that we have picked up as we went along.

And like all habits getting out of bed is an easy one to reprogram once you know how. It is no good just making a firm resolve to get up early, because our habits are controlled by our subconscious mind and when your alarm goes off in the morning you will preform your usual habit and not any new habit you may thing you want to do.

So how do you make a habit then? Repetition. Habits are formed by repeating the same actions over and over until we do them automatically. Until the subconscious mind takes over and we perform the actions with out any conscious effort. So that is what we need to do in order to make a habit of getting out of bed once the alarm goes.

Like Pavlov with his dogs we will create a conditioned response so once your alarm rings you will be up and out of bed before you can even think of pulling the covers over your head and hitting the snooze button.

It is best to pick a time when you don’t have to set your alarm clock for a couple of days. Because having your alarm go off in the morning and not get up is going to reinforce the old habit and break the new habit before it has a chance to take complete hold.

What we want to do is recreate as closely as possible the conditions that normally exist when you want to get up in the morning. And then perform the action we want to become a habit, that is getting out of bed when the alarm rings.

Pick a time, not too late in the evening, we don’t want you to fall asleep for real, when the light is about the same as it is in the morning. Got to your bedroom. Get undressed put on your PJ’s, or stay naked, however it is that you normally sleep. Set your alarm for a few minuets from now and get into bed. Take a deep breath, roll over and snuggle up.

When your alarm goes off: first get out of bed then turn your alarm off, take a deep breath, stretch, touch your toes and go into the bathroom, or kitchen if you need your coffee before you do anything else. Do what you would normally do when you get out of bed. Or at least pretend to do it. The idea is to create a new link in your subconscious mind bridging the time between being asleep in bed and what you do first thing when you get up.

Next do it again. Go back to bed, set your alarm for five minuets time and snuggle under the bedclothes. Then get out of bed once your alarm goes off, take a deep breath and go into the bathroom. Then do it again and again. Remember the key to making a habit is repetition. You need to repeat it until it becomes automatic.

Half a dozen times three or four days in a row will be enough to reprogram your habit from hitting the snooze button and rolling over to getting out of bed and turning your alarm off. For that day on you will automatically get out of bed when your alarm goes off.

You may feel a little silly doing this. Going to bed just to pretend to get up in the morning might seem strange. Especially if you have to explain what your are doing to your family or a room mate. But do it any way. When you are getting up with your alarm every day both they and you will forget any silliness you might have felt.

Just remember when you are getting out of bed earlier you have to go to bed earlier. Earlier risers still need the same amount of sleep.

Changing you habits is easy once you learn how. Learning how to change your habits is easy. The hard part is wanting to learn how to be in control of your habits, because then you will have to accept responsibility for them and not be able to blame “that stupid alarm clock” when you are once again late for work.

If you can dream — and not make dreams your master;
If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And — which is more — you’ll be a Man my son!

—Rudyard Kipling